Saturday, June 2, 2012

A Mother's Love

It happened when Eve was two days old.  I had read about it and heard about it from every parent I knew.  I simply did not understand the magnitude of what I would feel until I had a child of my own.  I fell in love.  Unconditional love.  If I had been standing at that moment, I probably would have fallen down.  It was a precious moment after days of exhaustion and frustration.  I will never forget it. I was feeding her and this precious innocent new life looked into my eyes with adoration.  I looked back at her and I was completely and utterly hooked.

And I am pretty sure John was hooked too:

It is this love for her that forced us to have the patience and persistence she needed us to have during those first difficult months of her life.  I am not a spiritual or religious person but the love I felt for this child in that moment was beyond rational thought or explanation.  Maybe it is simply hormonal, a biological imperative to care for your child that is built into our genes.  Whatever caused it, be it a god or the evolutionary process, I know the meaning of unconditional love.  It is as though there is a piece of my inside that is now outside of me.  There is nothing I would not do and no hardship I would not bear for the sake of her health and happiness.

Having a child of my own has caused me to appreciate my mother and the love and care she gave to me.  Now I truly understand how she felt-and feels about me.  I have so much empathy for her loss of my brother at 7 weeks old due to SIDS and respect for her ability to keep going after such a devastating loss.

Becoming a mother has also left me baffled at my father, who abandoned me when I was about six years old.      How could someone do that to their own child?  How can he ever forgive himself for doing that?

1 comment:

  1. You a such a gift to me, and to everyone who knows you. Your father missed out on the greatest gift he could ever have had in his life; the gift of watching you grow into the incredible person you are now.